A bystander that summer day in 2005 might have dismissed her as crazy. Durena wandered aimlessly, listening to voices in her head, following bizarre instructions, and conversing with herself. She hadn’t eaten or slept in days.

“Give me your eyes . . .”

If the bystander were given God’s eyes, however, he might see beyond Durena’s outward deviance to a wounded heart.

“I was the forgotten lost child.” The fifth of seven sisters, she recalls, “I felt like one of those kids on the commercials, a little girl with a shoe and a sandal whom you could sponsor for $21 a month . . . walking around dirty and neglected. Even though I wasn’t physically dirty, I felt dirty inside.” Durena was sexually abused from the time she was two through eighth grade.

“Give me your love for the ones forgotten . . .”

In high school, Durena saw herself as a nobody in the midst of well-established groups – cheerleaders, jocks, brains – so she became a “stoney. That was better than being a nobody.” Durena became a teenage alcoholic and, later, a teenage mom.

At 21, things changed. She entered into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. “God took all the drugs and alcohol away,” and she did well for almost 20 years. Rather than dealing with her painful past, however, Durena buried it. She stuffed her memories into the smallest possible space, a tiny box in the back of her consciousness, and for much of her life, that hidden box proved a faithful friend, holding the worst of everything. Then, without warning, it splintered.

“Give me your arms for the brokenhearted.”

Five years ago, Durena experienced an extremely painful period – a divorce, followed by her father’s death, then her mother’s, and finally, her only child left for college. The little box had more than it could hold. Alone and lost, Durena turned to another old friend, alcohol.

Alcohol, however, didn’t bring relief. The box of stuffed emotions wasn’t just leaking, it was exploding. She couldn’t sleep; she couldn’t think. She stopped eating. The combination proved hazardous. Durena suffered a psychotic break. “I wandered and said bizarre things. I wasn’t awake or asleep. It was like a dream.” She heard voices and felt compelled toward inappropriate behavior.

Durena was taken to a psychiatric unit. Released seven days later, she had no place to go. Her roommate didn’t want her back. In the past, she had turned to Anna Ogden Hall for emergencies, so she called and was invited to be part of a new recovery program. It involved a two-year commitment, which seemed like an eternity to Durena, but “I looked back on what I’d gone through – two years of crazy, psycho mess – and I said, ‘You know what? I can’t do it on my own.’”

“Give me your love for humanity.”

Initially, Durena found it difficult to disentangle and analyze the jumbled mess inside her – a necessary step toward healing. After exerting such energy to forget, remembering seemed impossible, if not madness.

Durena found the Expressive Arts class at Ogden Hall useful in allowing her to draw what she couldn’t say. Music, paper, watercolors and markers became instruments of healing. As the counselor asked questions, Durena drew her responses:   “What are you feeling today? Picture yourself as a little girl. What are you wearing? What are you thinking?” Durena drew and painted her way to clarity.

“It helped me relive and reprocess painful areas of my life.  I found such healing. Now I can look at my wounds head on, instead of pretending they’re not there.”

Durena found “a circle of comfort” within which to face those wounds. “God gave me an amazing set of women who encouraged me and pointed me in the right direction.”

“Give me your eyes for just one second. Give me your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missing.”

After a childhood filled with abuse and neglect, followed by painful adult losses, Durena felt forgotten; but all that has now changed. She was the first woman to complete the five phases of the new program at Anna Ogden Hall. She married her “soul mate” on July 4. She and her husband are both very involved with preschool children at their church and hope to open a daycare in their home. Asked to describe herself in a word, Durena said, “Content. God has remembered me.”