Miracles don’t always take a picture perfect form. For Kimberly, the mere fact that she will have contact with all six of her children this Christmas is a miracle. And one she does not take lightly. “I hurt those children badly. The things I didn’t do hurt them probably more than the things I did.”

            Kimberly had her first child at 16, married her second baby’s father at 17, divorced at 18, married again at 19, and had three more children before she was 25. Six months after her second divorce at 27, she became addicted to methamphetamines. She had her sixth child at 30 and lost custody of the middle three before she turned 33. Her oldest son, Robert, now 22, was raised by his grandparents. Her second son, Kelly, 20, grew up with his dad and now has a three-month-old baby of his own, Chloe. Gavin, 8, Kimberly’s youngest child, lives with her at Anna Ogden Hall.

The Miracle Process Begins

            Morgan, 16, Mason, 14, and Madison, 13, live with their father. In the past year while Kimberly has been in the Women’s Recovery Program at Anna Ogden Hall, she has been working to restore her relationship with them. The journey – gradual, tentative and fraught with pain – is far from over. But by all accounts, the fact that it is happening at all is indeed a miracle.

            For several Christmases, Kim had no contact at all with her three middle children. “It was really hard on all of us because she wouldn’t even call. It felt like she didn’t care anymore,” Morgan said, “like she didn’t want anything to do with us.”

            Mason said his mom has changed since going to Anna Ogden Hall. “She didn’t talk to us for three or four years. Then she decided she just wanted to call and make everything all right, but . . . being there is helping her with the process of making it right.”

            Madison agreed:  “The thing I like the most is that she’s actually admitting faults instead of blaming them on us like she used to. And she’s realizing what she’s missing out on. She’s missed out on three wonderful kids she could’ve influenced better, and she’s trying to fix it before it’s too late.”

Accepting God’s Forgiveness

            The price of her past choices weighs on Kimberly. “One of the most painful things in my life is that I have children who somebody else tucked into bed at night, and I didn’t get to kiss them good night or read them stories or pray with them and tell them I loved them. That just ate and ate at me, and it made me hate myself.” Hating herself, however, only fueled self-destructive behavior. Through the Women’s Recovery Program, Kimberly is learning to accept God’s unconditional love, forgive herself, and move forward.

            This miracle is in process. Time is critical to healing and the re-establishment of trust. Each of the three children expressed their appreciation that their mom is following through on her promises. If she says she’s going to call, she calls. Morgan, a cheerleader, appreciates that her mom has come to her football games, and this past year, she has remembered their birthdays. Each one is also guarded about expectations.

            “Some of the stuff she’s done, we’re never going to get over,” Madison said.

            Mason talked about forgiveness:  “Eventually, we’re going to have to forgive her. There’s no way around that. It just depends on how long it’s going to take.”

            And Morgan described an internal battle:  “When she tells me that she loves me or that I’m her world, I want to believe it, but as bad as I want to, I can’t because I can’t trust her. Not yet.”

Tentatively Hopeful

            Doug, the children’s father and Kimberly’s ex-husband, is wary. For his children’s sake, he wants healing, restoration, forgiveness, but he also wants to protect them from any further pain. He said Kimberly’s involvement in the Women’s Recovery Program has made all the difference to him. When his children go to be with their mother, he knows they are safe. They can talk to the counselors about their anger and their fear. He is thankful for that, and like his children, he is tentatively hopeful.

            Kimberly’s hope, on the other hand, is almost palpable. Her life is changing, and she’s never going back. “I’ve been working with my counselor and working my program hard. Really hard.” This Christmas, she’s looking forward to celebrating in some fashion with each of her children and with the extended family she’s created at Anna Ogden Hall.  “Christmas is about family and I blew ours apart. But all the pieces are coming back together, and I want to celebrate that with all the people I call family.”

            Life transformation is indeed the miraculous work of God, as is the restoration of broken families; but miracles don’t always happen in a moment.