One of the most challenging, but also most rewarding, aspects of the Mission’s recovery programs is called the self-evaluation process, where residents and staff alike are asked to go in front of their peers to examine a specific behavior. The goals are 1) to learn to be honest and transparent with each other and 2) to gain a better understanding of why we do the things we do. On a recent morning, Ron – who had just returned to the Mission after leaving for several months – stood in front of a group of about 50 men and explained his choice.

 What did you choose to do?
I chose to leave the program without talking to anyone.

 What did you want?
I wanted to control the situation with my ex-wife and my son.

 What were you thinking?
My ex doesn’t make good choices when it comes to men. I need to protect my son.

What were the results of your choice?
I put myself in danger, as well as my son and my ex.

What effect did your choice have on the environment?
I had friends and family here – which I didn’t really realize – and I let them down. I didn’t trust anyone to help me.

How did your choice draw you closer or further from the standard of Christ-likeness?
Further. I didn’t trust anyone to help me, and I didn’t have enough faith that God could pull me through.

If necessary, what is your plan to change?
Stop reacting. Realize I’m not alone – I can ask for help.

At this point, the person doing the self-evaluation asks if there are any questions, and the audience comes alongside that person in the self-evaluation process.

Question: How has attempting to control a situation worked for you in the past?
Answer:  Not at all. I ended up in prison, been stabbed a few times.

Question:  How hard is it for you to be patient?
Answer:  Hard. I have a lot of childish ways. If you don’t play my way, I’ll take my ball and go home.

Question: Since coming back here, what has helped you to realize that there are people who care about you?
Answer:  I felt like the prodigal son coming back here. I didn’t know I could have another family. Growing up, I was raised by my stepfather. There was lots of “we love you” stuff, but then he would beat me when he was angry with my mother. Speaking words and showing words are two different things.

Ron then sat down amidst applause and murmurs of encouragement – “good job,” “way to go, bro” – and the invaluable knowledge that he has been honest with his brothers.